Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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