I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
