Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
