I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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