Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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