tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
