Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Boobs speak an international language.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
