hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
