You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
