how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
