She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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