She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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