I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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