I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
