i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
