No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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