my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
