A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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