I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
