chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
