Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
should my penis look like a turkey
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
