you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
