Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
