Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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