Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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