All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
