direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
