And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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