i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
