I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
