i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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