I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
