I looked at my own cervix.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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