seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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