Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
