the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
