i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
