So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
