If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
