That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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