i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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