i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
