for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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