You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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