So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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