when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
