I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
