I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
