my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
