i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
