I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
