Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
