Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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