Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
