Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
