I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
