He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
