I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
