Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
