New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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