You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
