i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Welp...herpes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
a search helicopter?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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