Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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