I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
