True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
