tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
