Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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