First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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