I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
