Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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