So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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