Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
