just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
