I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How naked do you want me to be?
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