im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
