Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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