When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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