you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
