you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I intend to get homeless drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
