i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
