he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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