suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
